This is a blog, right?
Happiness is an idea that I think about a lot. I toy with it in my head and wonder exactly what the word means. I think about every facet of my current life and the equation tells me that I have every reason to be happy, but sometimes I am not, and that makes me feel less than fantastic. It makes me feel like I am ungrateful or too expectant, though I know I am so thankful for the people and the things and the opportunities and experiences in my life.
I have begun to rethink happiness. On Friday, I will have finished my last undergraduate college exam ever. It is both tremendously exciting and terrifying all at once. What comes next? Where do I go? What do I do? Am I supposed to know this by now? Am I supposed to have a plan? It’s the frightening and frustrating feeling of wondering whether everyone has it figured out except for me, but then I look at every facet of my life and realize just how concrete so many things actually are.
I have friends that I really do love dearly. I have a family that wants the best for me and desires nothing more than to support me. I am in love with a woman who I absolutely cannot wait to spend my life with. Is this not what we seek in life? Is this not happiness? I know few people who can look into their futures and think about the excitement they find in going home to the person they love most. And to direct this statement a bit, I have that person, undeniably. The commitment I feel to, the desire I have for, the unyielding attraction I have to the woman I love is an unbreakable feeling and something that I feel only grows stronger by the day. The idea of her being curled up next to me in bed in a house somewhere, warm, gorgeous, and resting is an image that lulls me to sleep at night and meets me again in my dreams. I see people posting the females they are attracted to, the women they desire left and right on the internet all day long. Maybe that’s what I should be doing, but what I find most enthralling is that it would be the same female, time after time, no matter what.
I am taking comfort and excitement in the fact that the life I have ahead of me is going to be quite the opposite of mediocre. I am about to have a degree to my name, an album I’m entirely proud of under my belt, the ability to travel across the country with my best friends, a family that wants to keep me nearby, and a woman I’m desperately and unceasingly in love with to come home to. How much more perfect could things be? For every moment of dissatisfaction and uncertainty, I have this to look back to and refresh my memory. Perspective is a splendid thing and as long as I constantly remember how wonderful and exciting the life in front of me will be, I think I’ll have everything as controlled as I possibly can…but not too controlled. Where would the excitement be in that?
So, tl;dr, I have the best everything that anyone could ask for. I have friends who love me more than I could ever love myself, a family that both cares and provides, and a woman (who is definitely a woman in every sense of the word — “girls” are of no interest to me considering I have an unreasonably intelligent and attractive female by my side) that I absolutely cannot get enough of. This is not some outrageous “be jealous” post, rather, it’s a good way for me to gather my thoughts and remember why I’m excited to wake up in the morning.
And, to the people who contribute to these feelings and declarations, thank you. Nothing is my own, and that is okay. I am nothing without those closest to me.
